by Kimberly Hollister

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

For a very long time I had my own expectation of what people go through when they lose loved ones; however, I truly never connected with the type of pain. I was on the outside looking in. It was when I had my own experience of loss that I understood the unbearable pain that comes afterwards. With this experience I realized that my own expectations of grieving was completely wrong and frankly what I was told about the grief process is wrong. In my family, grief was portrayed as an event that you get over and if you ignore it long enough it will simple disappear. Grief is not something “to get over” but it is a process of learning to live again. Grief is an adjustment to a new way of life. It is in watching clients rediscover themselves that I find grief work so rewarding. To be able to watch someone transform and form a new identify without their loved one is a joyous experience. BUT grief work also means holding space for the pain to come through. Losing a loved one leaves a emptiness that cannot be filled and allowing clients to find out that it’s OK not to be OK. There will be days when the missing of the loved one seems excruciating and then there will be days when you experience tremendous happiness. There is no timeline and not everyone will experience grief the same way. I am not here to “fix”. My purpose is to help clients navigate into this new way of life and find joy once again.  

Helpful Tips:

  • Practice daily self-care
  • Allow yourself to grieve. React to the wave of emotions and do not suppress them.
  • Lean on family and friends. Do not shut them out. 
  • Turn to your faith or any other spiritual practices. This could involve pray, meditation or any faith based activity.
  • Plan for life triggers (i.e. birthdays, holidays, anniversaries) 
  • If the grief seems unmanageable please seek professional help. You can make a choice to not be alone in the grieving process.