Does The Grieving Process Feel Like An Emotional Rollercoaster?
Are you mourning the death of someone close to you? Do you feel overwhelmed with emotion and find yourself crying out of nowhere? Has your support group “moved on” from the loss and left you with no one to talk to?
Maybe the grieving process feels like an emotional rollercoaster. One day you’re focused and on task and the next you’re a mess. One moment you’re flooded with happy memories and the next you’re plagued with survivor’s guilt, asking if you could’ve done more for your loved one. Sometimes, you might not even know who you are anymore—it’s like your loved one was your whole life. You don’t know how to live without them.
Deep down, you may say to yourself: If only I could have them back, just for one day, to tell them everything I wanted to tell them and make them know how loved they are.
Grief Can Be Lonely—Especially When Other People Don’t Want To Talk About Your Loss
Death is so damn final. There is no magic fix or pill you can take to make it go away. This is why it’s so important to have someone in your life who can support you and hold space for you during this time. If the people close to you don’t want to talk about your loss anymore, the grieving process can be incredibly lonely. You might feel like the odd one out, as if you should be “over” your loss and moving on with life like everyone else.
Here at Elevate Counseling, we are here to tell you that you don’t have to move on from your loved one. As you go forward in life, your loved one will always be with you because they shaped the person you are today. Counseling is a chance to honor their memory, work through your grief, and forge a new identity in the wake of your loss.
Loss Forces All Of Us To Go Deeper And Make Meaning Out Of Our Lives
Love and loss are what define our humanity. They’re what force us to go deeper and make meaning out of our lives. When we lose someone we love, a lifetime of emotions condenses into one moment. We can feel sad, numb, confused, and uncertain. All of our emotions get into a massive tug-of-war with each other. Sometimes we may cry uncontrollably and other times we may feel joyful recalling happy memories of our loved ones. This kind of swing in emotions is very normal.
Because Every Loss Is Different, No One Grieves The Same Way
Grieving looks different for each person—how you grieve depends on so many different factors. How old was your loved one? Was there a long illness or a sudden and unforeseen ending? Did you have a good relationship with your loved one or a strained one? All of these questions are important to consider when you’re mourning.
What’s more, the difficulty of the grieving process often depends on how much support you have. If the people in your life are dismissive of your grief, that can make things even harder. This is especially true if your loved one died by suicide—not everyone in your life may believe in honoring their memory. It can also happen if your loved one was very elderly. Other people may say that their death was too “normal” and “expected” to warrant lots of grieving.
Counseling is a chance to find someone who supports you unconditionally and won’t invalidate the way you mourn. If you feel like your loved one’s passing has thrown your world off-balance, we would be honored to help you build a new sense of self shaped by the life and death of your loved one.
Grief Counseling Can Help You Create Meaning In The Face Of Your Loss
Oftentimes, the hardest part of grieving takes place months (or in some cases, years) after a person dies. Why? Because that’s when all the flowers and sympathy cards stop coming in. That’s when most people around you have “moved on” and stopped calling to make sure you’re okay. As a result, you don’t have as many outlets for your grief—you’re expected to get it together and go back to normal life. The problem is that the “early stage of grief” is considered the first two years after a death, so this expectation is flat-out unrealistic.
Therapy gives you an outlet to discuss your loss without any reservations. Here at Elevate Counseling, you don’t have to worry about “taking too long” to process your grief. We are here to honor the unique way you grieve and hold space for whatever emotions come to the surface. Our goal is to provide an atmosphere of emotional safety and bear witness to your pain so that you don’t have to bear it in isolation.
What To Expect In Grief Therapy Sessions
Your grief counselor will work with you to get you to a place where you feel purposeful and stable again. They’ll help you identify the themes and patterns that characterize your grief and normalize your experience so you don’t think you’re grieving “wrong.” Nothing you feel is abnormal. When you’ve lost someone dear to you, even the rawest of emotions are legitimate.
What’s more, therapy is also about giving yourself permission to have a new life. It may be difficult to imagine right now, but someday you may feel ready to embark on a new chapter of your life. Doing so does not dishonor your loved one. Therapy can help you continue to live without your loved one while still holding the memory of them dear.
Tailoring Your Treatment Plan
Grief counseling looks different for everyone, but one of the main approaches we use is narrative therapy. This approach is all about helping you create a storyline about your loved one—who they were, what your relationship with them was like, and what their memory means to you. We also use expressive and art therapy. Oftentimes, art has the power to express what words can’t. Through collages, paintings, timelines, or poems, you can honor your loved one and create new meaning in the face of your loss.
No matter how hopeless you feel, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. When you meet with your grief therapist, you are meeting a fellow sojourner on a sacred and humbling journey. In our experience, this journey is nothing short of a miracle. Being able to work through your grief is an incredible demonstration of the resiliency of the human spirit.
You May Have Some Questions And Concerns About Grief Counseling…
A counselor can’t bring my loved one back, so what’s the point?
You’re right—no one can make your grief disappear or just give you a pill for it. A counselor’s gift is that they can bear witness to your pain. They can provide a space for your grief and healing and help you make sense of your new life. Having someone in your corner to support and encourage you makes a huge difference.
When will I feel better?
The “early” stage of grief is two years (yes, two years) after a loss. So it’s normal to feel just as bad in month 15 as you felt in day 15. This is why it’s important to be patient with yourself—everyone heals at their own pace. As we work together, our hope is that your emotional roller coaster will level out and the sting of your pain will lessen.
I’m afraid that I’ll forget my loved one if I move on.
Grief therapy is not about “moving on” and putting all your memories in the rearview mirror. It’s about taking your loved one with you on your journey, since their influence lives on after they’ve passed. Just because your loved one is not here does not mean they have to grow smaller or take up less space in your life. In therapy, we can help you work on cherishing their memory through art, journaling, and other forms of expression.
You Deserve To Have Someone Walk With You Into This New Chapter Of Life
Inviting a therapist to help you create your own personal grief space is a true act of love for yourself and your loved one. We encourage you to connect with one of our grief therapists. To do so, you can use the contact form or call 508-297-1491.
Mind Your Grief:
BEREAVED ADULTS experiencing grief and loss in their lives: of a child, partner or other significant person in your life; this community will use mindful awareness and practices to support you and help you process grief and loss as you make new meaning in life after loss.
This is an open membership with rolling admission into this group.
Download the brochure for Mind Your Grief
